Tuesday, August 17, 2010

Judged by family

Huh. So even blood relatives aren't impervious to snap judgements of my appearance. Yesterday I attempted a self-dye job to get my hair this great shade of red. On the box it looked bright red. Sort of a fuscia color. But it turned out very underwhelming. My hair was already brown. Now it's just brown and sort of red when the light hits it a certain way. So epic failure with that. But that's not the point of the story. The point of the story comes when today, I told my grandmother this over the phone. It went a little like this.

Me:I don't know why I just thought of this, but I tried dying my hair red the other day.
Grandma:(with an over accentuated tone of disappointment) Oh... Why'd you do that?
Me: 'Cause it looked like such a cool color-
Grandma:(cutting me off) It's ugly
Me: (Stunned silence) I- What?
Grandma: You're ruining your hair
Me: My hair's fine-
Grandma:(cutting me off again) You're hair is going to be so damaged if you just keep dying it
Me: It didn't even turn out. My hair's still brown from my last coloring at the salon.
Grandma: Good.
Me: (Thinking) Make up your mind, are you mad about the color or the damage to my hair?
(Saying) And I have special shampoo and conditioner for color-treated hair.
Grandma: Well, I'd hope so. You need to...

And then she goes on to tell me all the things I need to do to take care of colored hair, because she says she's been dying her hair since she was seventeen. If you're so worried about me damaging my hair with newer, more modern hair coloring, then why do you make a point of telling me you've been dying your hair since way back when when the products were total crap? Seriously, this is how you ruin relationships. Maybe I would understand if I'd gotten a tattoo of some sort of satanic symbol or if I'd decided to get real gauges instead of the fake ones I have, but it's just hair dye. And she didn't say anything about my getting all my hair chopped off and dying it brown. She even said how "gorgeous" it was. And so now I'm pissed off. My dad has a theory though, and I must say, I agree fully. When I dyed my hair brown I looked like one of her kids. But my mom's side of the family has red hair, so saying, "I dyed my hair red" made her think I was trying to look like my mom, and she can't have me turning into one of them. It's not even a naturally occurring red. But I guess "Red" wasn't descriptive enough. Either way I'm still PO'd. Big time. A friend of mine said that her grandma ruined her relationship with my friend's cousin when she got a tattoo (She's an adult) and her grandma just insulted her. I'm not even repeating the insult but seriously. Does it matter? It's the principle I'm trying to explain, and the principle is that you shouldn't judge family. In fact, if it's solely appearance based, you shouldn't judge anyone. But ESPECIALLY not family. It just goes to show that people suck. Everyone sucks at one point or another. Even sweet old Grandmas. Especially those of goth kids. *sigh of anger and disgust at the stupidity of humans today*

And just as a disclaimer: I love my grandma, I just wish she wasn't so judgemental.


  1. it's "judgmental," and I understand - - but take it from me - who dyed their hair several years in a row and finally got sick of it - - growing out old dyed hair is not fun. It turns into several different bleach-like colors and you can't do anything about it until your roots grow out and it at least reaches your chin so you can chop all your hair off that you spent about a year or so growing out.

  2. I went blonde last October. I always was curious as to what it would look like and I figured I am pale, blue eyes, and freckles... so why not?...
    Months and months of being told I look washed out, I look too pale, I look tired, why couldn't I just do highlights? why did I have to dye it blonde? etc, etc, ... THAT's why not.

    Well I didn't want to cave. I had gotten some compliments (my boyfriend and 14 yr old sister), and some "well I liked the brown better but it's not bad" and so I decided I wanted to at least keep it for a year- make it worth the time (2 days spending about 5 hours in the salon) and money (400$) on it. I didn't quite make it a year, I got a little sick of the comments, and decided I wanted to go red ANYWAYS after seeing a picture I loved. THIS TIME I was gonna do it right. I sent the pic to my salon and my mom. My mom responded with "love it".

    It did NOT come out right. First time it washed right out (blonde hair doesn't hold dye well), second time it was Little Mermaid/Jessica Rabbit/Goth Clown RED. Actually you might have loved it. I would have if I wasn't 26 and working at an office job. But fine. I didn't want to dye it a third time, I figured I would deal...

    (Still reading? I type like I talk... alot) SOOOOO.... a week goes by. I've faded it a little through washes, and my 12 year old sisters soccer game comes up and I am deliberating on going. I decide to go figuring it's better to be the crazy haired dedicated sister than the normal not there at all sister.

    My sisters response was a little tepid. I got a hug and a weird look and responded with a "haha, yea-a little brighter than I planned!"

    My step dad barely eeked out a "hi".

    My mom looked uneasy. I tried my "haha too bright" line and she went off the deep end. "Well I have to tell you I hate it. I don't understand why you won't just dye it brown again. You looked so great in the Christmas card from 2 years ago. Last Christmas with the blond hair, I had people calling me after getting the card asking if you were sick! I just hate seeing you like this when I know you can be better." And so it went on. We began an email discussion of the event and her overreaction where she added that: I should be more sensitive to my sisters age and need for conformity and that by showing up in public like that I was embarressing her and causing her to make excuses to her friends.

    So many things wrong with that. In anycase, I got it fixed, it's now brownish red (still too red for them in the sunlight I am sure) with highlights and naturalish looking...though I still haven't spoken too her in 2 weeks (much longer story).

    Conclusion... good for you in being yourself, don't worry about the minor criticisms-mostly because things like that won't change but you seem smart enough not to take them to heart. Also- don't get a tattoo until you graduate college (if you ever do).


    Good luck getting the color you want! And great curmudgeon e-mail on Sassy's blog.